Nakakawalang-gana

There’s not direct english translation for ‘nakakawalang-gana’. A feeling of losing interest, being disheartened, the beginning of apathy, maybe a bit of all that.

There are days when things just become unbearable. I mean, I try, honestly, to keep everything going, on a positive note, to be patient, to work hard, to understand, to keep quiet, everything and anything that should be done, tried and attempted. I doubt that some people realize how easily they can ruin things for someone.

Repetition. People get tired of it. I get tired of it. Patience and understanding can only go so far sometimes. I wonder why I always feel somehow shortchanged with everything. Its not a nice feeling, nor are these nice thoughts, but almost every day I’m reminded, one way or another. Sometimes I’d like to feel that I get the attention that I should be getting, I’d like to feel that I’m at the center of someone’s thoughts, even for maybe a day, or even just an hour maybe. I’d like to sometimes get that support that I’ve never had from anyone else, and sometimes I’d like to have my way, even with the pettiest of things. Give and take, that’s what they always say. I’m not sure I know how that feels like right now.

~ by diverdown on September 7, 2009.