I do get frustrated. I am, after all, only human. But, as with most things, even the most disappointing of situations can be overlooked, forgotten, set aside. But choices, actions, all these things we do have consequences. We live in a world of people, and we try as best as we can to get along with each other. When we choose, when we act, we should at least be able to accept the consequences, along with whatever impact we might make on other people.

The last sem’s gone and I’ve surprisingly pulled myself through, both work-wise and grades wise. I didn’t get the flat 1 that I wanted for my culinary class but I guess that’s my own fault as well (got a 1.25). Anyway, some words that I should and want to remember from the first 3 days of classes:

On priorities:
“I dunno man, but this is our life now…” -Rafa, while pointing to our uniform when I was trying to decide on whether or not to cut a few classes for a vacation at the end of the month. (I’m deciding to cut the vacation short)

On my work:
“These people will go to war for you. They will work for you even if they are tired. Make sure that you deserve to be their leader.” -Chef See

I will work, I will push. This is my choice. I love this, and will continue loving this, in all its entirety.

I can’t really say that I was close to Dean Lorraine. In fact, I can only recall having one real conversation with her. It was back in 2007, when I had decided that I did, after all, need my college degree. My problem at the time, however, was that my records from my previous school (CSB) had been awful, owing to the fact that my attitude towards schooling had been so different then. Awful would have been an understatement, truth be told. So I had gone through the motions of applying for this new school called Enderun, submitted my requirements, gone through the interview, and just hoped that I would be accepted. I was called for a second interview, and that was when I met Dean Lorraine. She asked me why I wanted to study hospitality. She asked me why only now. She asked me what made me decide on Enderun. But most important of all, she told me that she had looked through my CSB transcript, was put off by it, but refused to judge me until she had met me and talked to me. She told me that the numbers hardly gave any indication of what a person was like. That 10-minute conversation had affected me more profoundly than anyone could ever imagine. In that instant, my respect and admiration for Dean had grown, in that instant, I had resolved to do my very best in school, as well as everything else I had done, just because one person had believed that I was worth more than some numbers printed on a piece of paper.

I had been admitted into school. It was only then that I had learned more of who Dean Lorraine was. I learned of her credentials, her accomplishments, but most importantly, I learned of who she was to the students of Enderun. She inspired most, if not all of us. Each student had the same respect and admiration that I had for her. She was our mother-figure in school. To make it short and simple, everyone loved her. She was an inspiration to all. Her mere presence made people want to do good, to do the best they can, and all because we knew she believed in us, and none of us wanted to disappoint her. She was, for many of us, the true meaning of what being an educator meant.

I feel sorry for not having had the chance to talk to her again after that one time, apart from the usual greetings when we meet each other in the hallways. I’m sorry that I’d never be able to thank her for what she’s done for me. I consider myself lucky though, that I did meet her, and that she had done for me what she did. So thank you, Dean Lorraine, for believing, for trusting, for knowing, for watching and for teaching us. You will surely be missed.

Eased up a bit on my diet today, ate normal food, but maintained controlled intake. I’m hungry now as I type this. Bummer. I didn’t stock up on fruit cups either, and I don’t want to eat an apple right now or I’ll be awake again the whole night.

Today I learned that my chef ‘walked out’ of the resort yesterday. I wasn’t told earlier. I don’t know what happened and I don’t know if he’ll be back tomorrow when my guests arrive. This is such a hassle.

Manager’s also asking for a vacation. I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid, but I get the feeling he’s going to follow that up with resignation? I don’t know. So many things are happening all at the same time, I don’t know if I can handle everything. Right at this moment, I regret going back to school this semester.

Okay, so I didn’t update daily like I was supposed to, but so far, since Day 1, I’ve put myself on a semi-crash diet which involves limited intake of carbs, limited amount as well. In other words, I’m always hungry and/or light-headed. LOL. I’ve coupled that with some exercise too, went back to the gym and started doing some simple exercises here at home.

Anyway, I weighed again this morning, and I’m not really sure if the scale’s broken or what, but it says I already lost 5lbs! LOL! This is real motivation if I can keep this up!

Either you are or you aren’t. Don’t try to pretend you’re something you don’t really understand.

Best piece of advice I’ve heard in a very long time.

Be content. Be happy. Love what you’re doing, love where you’re at. Stop looking so far off and start appreciating what’s in front of you. Learn to love yourself. What better place than here, what better time than now.

Today I resolve to lose weight. I will hit a target weight of 150lbs. I am currently in the 185 area. I will reach this goal before the year ends, or if not, I will lose at least 5lbs every month. I will keep a log via wordpress, making daily updates, weigh updates and food intake and exercise information. Today is Day 0 as it it already past noon, but I will start my diet tonight. So help me God.

*edit*

I wrote this right after having a Jollibee 2-piece Chickenjoy lunch. HAHAHA!

I’ve just talked to Anton and he’s in this with me. We’ll be competing against each other. There will be a minimum number of pounds to lose. Whoever loses less or fails to reach the minimum will get his head shaved. More details later!

There’s not direct english translation for ‘nakakawalang-gana’. A feeling of losing interest, being disheartened, the beginning of apathy, maybe a bit of all that.

There are days when things just become unbearable. I mean, I try, honestly, to keep everything going, on a positive note, to be patient, to work hard, to understand, to keep quiet, everything and anything that should be done, tried and attempted. I doubt that some people realize how easily they can ruin things for someone.

Repetition. People get tired of it. I get tired of it. Patience and understanding can only go so far sometimes. I wonder why I always feel somehow shortchanged with everything. Its not a nice feeling, nor are these nice thoughts, but almost every day I’m reminded, one way or another. Sometimes I’d like to feel that I get the attention that I should be getting, I’d like to feel that I’m at the center of someone’s thoughts, even for maybe a day, or even just an hour maybe. I’d like to sometimes get that support that I’ve never had from anyone else, and sometimes I’d like to have my way, even with the pettiest of things. Give and take, that’s what they always say. I’m not sure I know how that feels like right now.

It just gets too repetitive and tiring at times. I don’t even understand how these things are allowed to happen when they could so easily be avoived or even averted. Sana naman, kahit minsan.